Look, Vornado, we agree, you do make the most wonderful fans the world has ever known. But, come on, stop with the “sexy”, okay?

Yes, your Vortex technology design is pretty sweet, but “Passion”? “Passion”? Really? We’ll give you a pass on “Raspberry”, but “PASSION”?

Vornado, we’ll be honest here. Trying to make a fan sexy is like watching a montage from a teenage comedy in which the nerd is all dressed up like James Bond by his friend in the beginning of the second act. You ALREADY KNOW that whatever happens, that nerd is going to fail hard and probably get covered in mud or paint. And sure, that nerd is going to end up happy once he’s accepted who he is, but why not just go right to the acceptance step? Why bother with all that mud?

Vornado, drop the sexy names. Just call your colors “red” and “pinkish” and focus on what you really are. A pretty damn good fan that isn’t even slightly sexy. Come on, who’s gonna make out with a fan?

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