At last, along comes a device that lets you communicate with almost anyone, almost anywhere, totally free of wires. Your voice zooms through the air to the furthest reaches of the planet, giving you a power undreamt of by Caesars and sultans. A wondrous new age of liberated communication opens up before us, thanks to this nigh-unto-miraculous invention.

It’s called a cellular phone. You can get one from a kiosk at the mall.

But maybe you’d rather not enter serflike into an onerous contract with a cellular provider overlord. Maybe thee and thy ladylove want to easily keep track of each other at the Renaissance Festival. Maybe you and your crew need to coordinate pee breaks on a two-car roadtrip. Maybe your kids are pestering you for cell phones, and you possess the good sense to realize that giving one to a 9-year-old is batpoop nutty.

If you see any of these maybes in the mirror, let us tell you a little something about the Xact X-Linx M4X FRS Radio 2-pack. You and a radio-mate can KIT from up to 2 miles away, assuming you’re both on a vast cosmic chessboard made of crystal or something. Channels 1-14 FRS are open to the rabble, while Channels 15-22 GMRS are restricted to the licensed elite. VOX means it’s voice-activated which means you can talk without pushing a button which means you can call for help if you’re dangling from a cliff by your fingers. And the color scheme will please both teams in the Texas Longhorns’ annual orange-white scrimmage.

Sure, using these radios makes us feel like we’re cheating on Catherine Zeta-Jones, Joan Cusack, and the other quickly fading celebrities who’ve rented their reputations out to the cellular industry. But if she really knew how useful a pair of Xact X-Linx M4X FRS Radios can be, even CZJ herself would understand.

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