We don’t know when you’re going to read this product description, but it’s the middle of the night right now as we’re writing it. The office is mostly quiet, but for the whirring of the night shift Roombas and the hacking cough that wakes our boss every few minutes from his fitful slumber on the copy writers’ room Woot-Off cot. (Why won’t he see a doctor?) We just went down the hall to look in on Kull the Conqueror, a crayfish who lives in a tank in the podcast studio. He was busy scouring the substrate, looking for leftover bloodworms and bits of broccoli.

Do you suppose crayfish sleep, ever? With an aquatic environment to support their lightweight bodies, maybe they don’t need rest like we do. They don’t have eyelids to close. They don’t have hopes and regrets and anxieties to occupy their subconscious minds when they aren’t busy scrounging for leftover morsels of food. At least we assume they don’t. We assume they don’t really have minds at all, at least not in any sense that we could imagine. And with their feeding habits and their vulnerability to predators in the wild, it’d kind of make sense if they didn’t go into a daily dormant state like humans do. Like humans do when there’s not a Woot-Off going on, anyway.

Anyway, what got us started on this subject? Something to do with this cordless headset phone. Boy, who knows? Anyway, we’re selling this cordless headset phone. It’s, uh, a phone, with no cord, that fits over your ear. Want one?

Say, what do you suppose crayfish look like to each other?

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