Some products just write their own copy. Something about them – an evocative name, a freakish appearance, a novel solution to a common problem, whatever – instantly suggests all manner of fascinating possibilities. These products are the joy of any copywriter’s workday.

Then there’s this damn ZyXEL M-102 XtremeMIMO Wireless Laptop Adapter.

We’ve been staring at this thing for days like it’s the I Ching, hoping a story would emerge to reward our patience. As you can tell by now, we got zilch. We’ve already squeezed out the meager humor intrinsic in ridiculous terms like ZxXEL and MIMO in previous writeups. As for the M-102’s actual function, four letters: Y-A-W-N. You put it into your laptop, it does its thing, and hey, whoopee, get you, you’re wireless. All we can say is that its MIMO technology yields faster wireless speeds and wider range when used with a ZyXEL XtremeMIMO router or whatever.

So yeah, buy one. Your children will love you again, your male-pattern baldness will go into remission, your favorite CFL team will win the Grey Cup – whatever you need us to say to get you to buy one, pretend we just said it. As a character in an overwrought Greg Berlanti melodrama might whine, we can’t fight anymore. We’re gonna buy a ZyXEL M-102 XtremeMIMO Wireless Laptop Adapter and smash it into pieces as an offering to the sales-copy muses, in hopes that we never endure such an ordeal ever again.

Back to top