Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.
WHITE PLAINS, N.Y. (UPI) -- Last-ditch efforts to mediate an agreement to stave off the demise of Hostess Brands Inc. and its 18,500 jobs failed Tuesday, the company said.
Psychologists say people should deal with their loss by looking at the bright side: though Twinkies and HoHo's might be gone until someone else buys the brand, the dreaded Hostess Snowball is almost certainly gone forever.
FLINT, Mich. (UPI) -- Michigan teenager Denzel Washington said he spotted what he believed to be a UFO hovering over a movie theater during the weekend.
His story is already in talks to become a major motion picture, focusing on what the famous Denzel Washington was doing on the exact same night.
MILAN, Italy (UPI) -- Officials at the Duomo cathedral in Milan, Italy, said they began an adopt-a-gargoyle campaign to help pay for badly needed renovations.
Donors will be given a photo of their gargoyle, a copy of the original curse in Latin, and monthly updates with the names of any pigeons that may have pooped on their gargoyle's head.
DENVER (UPI) -- The owner of a Denver bar said an outdoors mural of the Grateful Dead's Jerry Garcia was defaced shortly after it was put up to replace a Johnny Cash mural.
Police insiders have described it as a rarely seen event: a completely logical and rational crime.
WASHINGTON (UPI) -- U.S. Olympic gymnast McKayla Maroney who famously scowled when she placed second in the vault, made her "not impressed face" with President Barack Obama.
Political experts say McKayla is joined by roughly 47.8% of the population.