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From The Desk Of The Office Manager: Bee Communication

by Sam Kemmis


This company is experiencing major communication issues, and it is your fault. The left hand doesn't know what the right is doing, and (for those of you bewildered by abstract symbolic expression) by "left hand" I mean "everybody else," and by "right hand," I mean "you."

To address this problem, we have hired a team of consultants widely considered the masters of communication: Bees. You will see the consultants throughout the office for the next month while they observe employee behavior, locate a proper nook for a hive, consume nectars, and improve office communication.

Bees communicate via a system of "waggle dances", folks, and soon so shall you. By waggling your thorax at varied duration and intensity, you will be able to specify the direction and quality of nectar sources, the suitability of nesting sites, and monthly fiscal goals.

Remember: Visibly waggle your thorax side-to-side to indicate that:

  • A food source is located far away AND/OR
  • Year-over-year revenue is trending down

Waggle your thorax in a circular "round dance" to indicate that;

  • A food source is nearby AND/OR
  • Year-over-year revenue is trending up

Of course, to facilitate this new communication strategy, all employees will need to be able to view each other at all times. The standard cubicles are therefore being replace by hexagonal pods leading to a central chamber. Keep your pods orderly and free of mold spores that could threaten the hive, people.

- Bye -

Katherine Tull-Potts, BA
Office Manager