Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.
VATICAN CITY (UPI) -- The general congregation of cardinals met Monday in Vatican City to discuss the upcoming conclave to elect Benedict XVI's successor as pope, officials said.
The field is wide open, as Rafael Furcal's elbow injury is still an issue while top prospect Oscar Taveras may be considered too raw to become infallible.
RAVENA, N.Y. (UPI) -- Police said Tuesday a 30-year-old American Red Cross worker in Ravena, N.Y., allegedly sent nude images to a girl who donated her blood at a high school drive.
A spokesperson for the blood drive denies these allegations, saying they have medical proof the girl was simply not the worker's type.
ST. LOUIS (UPI) -- Independent testing of three varieties of Budweiser beer shows alcohol content slightly under the levels listed on the label, CNN said.
But on the bright side, it tastes great alongside an 11" Footlong from Subway!
NEW YORK (UPI) -- Erik Estrada will play a motorcycle-riding U.S. federal agent battling deadly beasts in Texas in the TV movie "Chupacabra vs. The Alamo," Syfy announced.
Insiders say no one is particularly surprised.
LAS VEGAS (UPI) -- The brother of a taxi driver killed in a car accident caused by a shooting death in Las Vegas said people with criminal pasts shouldn't be allowed to have guns.
Opponents say that when people with criminal pasts having guns is criminalized, then only criminals with criminal pasts will have guns.
BIELEFELD, Germany (UPI) -- German scientists said they're making headway toward creating a computer that would work like a human brain, learning by itself without programming.
The scientists say that this would also add natural safeguards, ensuring that any computer trying to take over the world would probably get bored and maybe put in a DVD or turn on ESPN.