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CES: Our 2013 Faux-verage Begins To End

by Scott Lydon

Well, it's the end of a hard week of not walking around Las Vegas. No famous night life, no balmy desert weather, no waking up in bed with a buyer mumbling "let's just keep this between ourselves at the next staff meeting" and no waiting in a TSA line while trying to get back home before 9am on Monday. Such is the life of a writer.

But don't despair! Today I'm taking a good, hard, super-short, made up look of the most adorable products CES didn't have to offer. Come inside for the last day of our 2013 faux-verage, and be awwwwww-struck!

Of course, in an age of new products every two seconds, we still all know one thing to be true: it isn't a tech show if someone doesn't announce a new type of gaming mouse.


This little guy is perfect for those RPG types who want an impartial dice roll for critical decisions. Just remember to drop some cheese in once or twice a week.

There's also plenty happening behind-the-scenes at CES, stuff that isn't about the glitter. Hundreds of thousands of dollars trade hands as businessmen make smaller and less flashy deals on boring things like bulk Ethernet cards, imported monitor connectors, and this newly improved Cat5 cable.


Just be sure your connection is fixed and that nobody turns on any laser pointers while you're online.

But our top pick for cutest product that we're pretending was at CES? That's easy. The monkeytar.


Now your grumpy simian can express those primal feelings within through the most socially acceptable form- MIDI devices! Listen, you scoff, but Trent Reznor built an empire out of that very thing. And he wasn't nearly as cute as a monkey.

If we're lucky, Jason Toon will have a little more to tell us about the real CES. But the sun sets on our faux-verage today. See you next year, maybe? Also please note: images are assembled from Kitty contrast from spcbrass and Mouse, Profile from twoshortplanks and Dice closeup from kbowenwriter and Yamaha SHS-10 keytar from Paul Stainthorp and Monkey from Dave Stokes are used under a Creative Commons License.