But hey, no need to get into that stuff now! After all this is business school, not brain school! And if you’ve been with us the whole year, you’ve learned many important business techniques, such as:
- Using notecards!
- Training employees!
- Wearing ties!
- Interviewing job candidates!
- Race cars!
- And much more!
With that being said, Sean University’s one year anniversary isn’t just a time for celebration. No, there are serious things to deal with too. For example, we need to renew our accreditation. That’s why I’ve decided to use this space to clarify a few things, in case someone from someone from the Regionally Ambiguous Board of Higher Education contacts you to discuss our fine institution:
1st: When I say “credits” I don’t mean “credit hours”; I mean credits in the more common arcade sense. You’re giving me money and I’m giving you credits which you can then use to play the exciting game of Education!
2nd: All promises of a brighter future were made pretty early in the morning, so technically speaking, your future did hold brighter things, such as more sunlight.
3rd: I stand by my guarantee of employment upon graduation, but you should know that I subscribe to a pretty broad definition of “employment,” which is, “doing something and getting something for it.” So, if you walk past someone and they nod at you, I consider that employment; you’re working as a Professional Walker, getting paid a salary of Acknowledging Nods.
4th: Speaking of graduating, one thing I have a feeling the accreditation people are going to make a big deal about is the fact that no one has ever actually graduated from Sean University. But let me assure you, this is only true if you buy into the outdated view that graduating implies finishing a program and getting a degree. As a forward-thinking, progressive individual, I consider life to be repeating cycle of graduation and enrollment. For example, earlier today, I graduated from” trying to make my own paper using a log and a mandolin slicer” and immediately enrolled in “calling an ambulance”!
Well, that’s all I have to talk about this week. Now, you talk! Post something, if anything, you’ve learned from Sean University this year!